ah, long time, no update. i haven't updated in a while, have i? and to think that so many things were swarming around in my head since the last post, it's kind of a miracle i made it this far.
well, class of 2003, we're done with high school. throughout four, short years, i've become the person i am. the friends that stood beside me unconditionally-- i owe you my utmost gratitude and appreciation. without you guys, i wouldn't have had so many great memories. thank you for making my years at canyon memorable.
so all there is to say is a little phrase we all hate: goodbye. we say it all the time, if you hadn't noticed yet. "bye so-and-so, i'll see you tomorrow", or simply "bye". each day, we say so many goodbyes knowing that tomorrow, or at least within the week, you will see that person once again. that's literally taking the other person for granted, is it not? but around this time each year, the going gets tough. those seemingly insignificant words become a heavy burden. the words choke you and you simply cannot make yourself say it. yes, farewell for a good while (or maybe even forever) is life-changing, and definitely a challenge. to bid farewell to someone you care so deeply about takes a lot out of you. trust me on this one; i speak from experience.
but think about it a little more. elaborate on the points. to help me do so, i obtained the assistance of two people. thanks vu, for giving me the final exam copy from ms. hahn, and thanks ms. hahn, for indirectly giving me ideas to write about. here is the idea:
we say goodbye everyday, to many different people, without blinking an eye. i had said it before thanksgiving and christmas vacations... but suddenly, on that clear, sunny day, surrounded by robes and cameras, 'goodbye' became a strangely different and more profound word. and it was difficult to say.
response: must i repeat myself? goodbye says more than words like quod erat demonstrandum or le chatelier's principle (which, i think, most non-science majoring people wouldn't know anyway). no, these extraordinary words are no match for the emotion that rushes through us when we say those mere two syllables. don't get me wrong, the sample phrases i have given are important to know, but perhaps not as often said by any given person. and therefore, the person cannot relate to such thing. yes, goodbyes are quite personal. as i leave for college, i am prepared for the tears that will run down my cheeks. but not all my outlooks are pessimistic. as the wise say, "an ending is only a new beginning." and i'd like to keep thinking about it that way.
we always cherish the goodbyes, but many fail to realize the importance of hellos. an ending cannot become unless something has already started. therefore, a beginning is far more important than the ending. it's like a cause and effect: an ending is only the result of something significant. nothing lasts forever (sad, but true), so we put an end to something. but let me tell you that for every departure, there is a meeting. and just because a specific something is gone, it doesn't mean that its essence left, too. an example: say your best friend passed away in a car accident. there physical state of being will no longer be, but they will live on in the lives of others, the words we speak, the legend we tell. see-- their death was the beginning of a legacy. everything will be reborn, maybe not in the exact way you remember them to be, but will revive nevertheless.
saying goodbye is a challenge, knowing i won't see the familiar faces in the halls anymore, not greeting (and being greeted) by my wonderful friends, not knowing what will happen tomorrow. but time will continue, 60 seconds per minute, 60 minutes per hour, 24 hours a day. yes, day by day, i will hopefully realize that i will not have to say goodbye. besides, i'd be lying for two reasons: 1)goodbye? no. as far as i'm concerned, i'm surprised that there is no such word as badbye. because you know what? goodbyes suck. how are they good? and 2)i will see these people again. maybe not each and every single one of you, but definitely a majority. so why must i say goodbye when all i'm doing is not seeing someone for a prolonged time? the better phrase here then, would be "see you later."
just because i am no longer present within the halls of canyon high school, or not living in the band room, it doesn't mean i am not there as a memory. i will always be a picture on the wall, a spirit that lingers with the beautiful melodies produced in room 401. so though i am not there in physical state, i am there, living through your words, your songs, your memories... just like in the car accident example. so in essence, the distance between our two minds is shorter than we think it is. just remember that no matter what may come, it is not the ending, but just a new beginning.
i will miss every single one of you so much. i will not name names, for fear of forgetting someone and for the unneccesary typing. if you have stepped into my life, you are addressed in this post, maybe not directly, but definitely implied. don't fear that i will forget you-- that is probably the hardest thing for me to do. thank you for all the good times.
"what we call the beginning is often the end. and to make an end is to make a beginning. the end is where we start from." -t. s. eliot
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i cried. just now, i cried. my eyes are red and i'm still not tired enough to head to bed. it's the end of the year.
you know when the time comes when yearbook signing begins. in a matter of 300 minutes, i only got through writing 3 yearbooks. that's roughly 100 minutes per, and to think i have so muc to say to so many people! my hands are going to cramp, but i'm not stopping until i am through signing. i just got started.
now for some melancholy. you may want to ask a japanese fluent person for a translation, or simply ask me.
eien
mitaku nakatta kedo
miteshimatta.
aketaku nakatta kedo
aketeshimatta,
kyonen no omoide no doa wo.
kimi ga itayo.
sono wasurerarenai egao,
sukitoutta hitomi de
watashi wo mite,
itsho ni aruitayone.
donogurai mae dattaka
wasureteta.
watashi ha anata no kotowo
wasureyouto shitetanda.
murida.
kimi wo wasureru no naraba
watashi mo wasurerareru.
kimi no kotowo
wasureru monoka.
yujyo yori motto,
bokutashiha koi ni ochita.
oboeterukana?
watashi ha mochiron da.
kimi no subete wo aishitano damono.
oboeteruni kimatteru jyanaika.
anata ha watashi ni ai to yu na no monowo
oshietekureta hito.
kimi ga inai imademo kimi no koto
omotterruyo.
meiwaku kakete gomen...
demo yappari kimi no koto
wasurerarenai ima.
kimi ha bokuwo aishita.
boku ha kimi ni ai wo kaeshita.
bokutachi nante mono ga nakutemo
ai wa mada arusa.
watashi ha imademo...
©2003 mai kozai
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